Tuesday, March 22, 2011

C. died late yesterday afternoon.

We kept the vigil with the others through the day. The deterioration from the day before was obvious when we got there, and we could see her sinking during the day. Unlike Sunday, when everything stayed level. Our last visit to the bedside was from 3 to 4, roughly. I read “Johnny Town Mouse” to her, eschewing the highbrow. We then left, to get home to insulin and carbohydrate before the rush hour. I said on departure that I didn’t think we’d spend tomorrow (=today) in the same way.

She died almost at once. Our niece tried to call us back, but we were threading our way through Edinburgh without a mobile phone. Her three daughters and little C. were all with her. They didn’t summon a nurse.

Death could so easily, in a situation like that, have made His move while we were all six having a picnic lunch in the garden on Marks and Spencer sandwiches, or while one or the other had gone for a walk. Given that none of us is exempt, and that the process is not likely to be entirely pleasant, it qualifies beyond doubt as a good death.

We don’t know what the arrangements will be. It is a vast relief not to be involved in them. Our first job is to ensure that my husband has something decent to wear. Something that fits and is clean and isn't riddled with moth holes. That done, if there is any delay, I hope we will go to K*rkmichael for a few days. My husband does not like the idea of his sister being refrigerated – he put it in those words, last night – but that’s what might happen.

Joe’s first sock is very near the heel flap. His great-aunt’s death has been knit into the fabric of those socks. I tried to get back to the shawl edging last night, but had trouble with it. There’s a mess in the 9th scallop that I nearly took out, then I thought, no, I can fix it with a needle afterwards. But this morning I thought no, again: I’ll leave it, and one day I’ll show it to my niece and tell her that that’s where I was the weekend her mother died.

40 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:06 AM

    A peaceful slipping away surrounded by your loved ones has to be a contender for a "good death", I think.
    ((((Big hugs to you and all your family. ))))

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  2. Opps, that was me up there. Sorry.

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  3. Amen. Take great care of yourselves now.

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  4. Peace be with you all

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  5. A good death, indeed.

    I am very sorry for your and your husband's loss. Regardless of age, losing a sibling, I think, has a special horror to it.

    And you are, of course, absolutely right, I think, about leaving the error in your knitting to mark the date.

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  6. Big hugs to you and yours. Romina

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  7. Although I seldom comment you and your family have been on my mind for days. A good death is a blessing for all.

    I think the mistake in the shawl will make it all the more special.

    I doubt your husband would like a hug from a stranger so please pat his hand as a sign that my sympathy is sent his way.
    Genie

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  8. JennyS11:28 AM

    I hope that, when my turn comes, I too will have family present and a good story ringing in my ears. Thinking of you
    Jenny

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  9. I haven't been a follower for long enough to really know the history behind this death but I must say how sorry I am and that I hope my family will be as caring a C's family when my time comes...
    I hope you all take some time and do what you have to do to recover.

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  10. Anonymous11:53 AM

    I'm sure your husband is deeply shaken, even knowing it was coming. My thoughts are with him, and with you as you support him through this.

    The shawl will be the more lovely for the love (for your niece, if not for your sister-in-law) that went into the making and the mistaking.

    Beverly in NJ.

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  11. I hope that you and C's family will be able soon to remember C when she was at her best, as well as - in softer focus - the last few precious weeks of her passing.

    Would that we all had those precious hours when we know what they actually are.

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  12. Thoughts with you.

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  13. My Sympathy to your family. I too would have left the "error" in the knitting. When the day comes your niece will appreciate knowing it's significance.
    Pax
    Susan

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  14. Susie B12:39 PM

    My thoughts and prayers to you and your family, Jean.

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  15. Jean,

    C's death was definitely a 'good' death ... surrounded by her family...from far away and nearby.

    The error in the shawl will make it even more comforting for your niece ... a sign of your deep compassion for her.

    You all are held in my prayer.
    Elizabeth

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  16. Peace perfect Peace.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you all Jean.

    Jayne x

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  17. Jean, I'm so sorry - you have my condolences. I will be thinking about "all that matters is the doing" for a long time to come, because I think it's true.

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  18. Anonymous12:58 PM

    You and your family have my sympathy. All your cyber friends are holding you close.
    Ron in Mexico

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  19. Anonymous2:04 PM

    With sympathy and prayers,

    Gerri in St Paul

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  20. My deepest sympathy.

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  21. May she Rest in Peace. My sympathy to all the family.

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  22. I am so sorry, Jean. This will be a difficult time for your husband even though it was inevitable. Losing a sibling is traumatic. And I will echo what others have said. Leaving the error in the shawl is the perfect thing to do.

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  23. Anonymous3:20 PM

    Jean
    My prayers are with all of you at this time. peace be with you. Sandy Mova Scotia

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  24. The death of a sibling is always difficult because of the loss of shared childhood memories. My condolences to you and especially to your husband.
    Janet from Cape Cod

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  25. I'm sad to hear of C's passing, but I have hope that she has found peace and a respite from pain.

    I hope your family finds solace in this hard time.

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  26. Requiescat in pace.

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  27. My thoughts are with you.

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  28. Anonymous8:17 PM

    Ah, Jean, no matter how we see it coming, we're never quite ready. I'll remember her from your long-ago posts when she was full of piss and vinegar. Thinking of you with love.
    Selma

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  29. Anonymous8:29 PM

    Blessings on all of you during this time of sadness. -- Joe,in Wyoming

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  30. Theresa I9:43 PM

    condolences to you and especially to your husban

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  31. Leslie11:33 PM

    Sorry to read the news, but remember she is now at peace!

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  32. condolences to all,
    cyber hugs sent

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  33. My sympathy to you, your husband and family. You have not been far from my thoughts these last days.

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  34. "Anima eius et animae omnium fidelium defunctorum per Dei misericordiam requiescant in pace"

    you and your family are in my prayers.

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  35. Oh, Jean, I'm sorry to hear of it even though it was expected. I have a hard time imagining life without my (only) sister. This must be such a hard time for your husband.

    But isn't that the way we would all choose to go, in relative peace and surrounded by people who love us? May she rest well.

    You and your family are in my thoughts, Jean—

    Beth, from Vermont

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  36. Sincere condolences from across the ocean.

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  37. My thoughts are with you and your family. Do take care of yourselves. Let others do the rushing around.

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  38. I hope the spring sunshine warms you both as you come to terms with C's passing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.

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  39. I am sorry I made myself too busy to get to your posts. My late condolences to you and your family. I imagine there will be much sweetness at her service. Barbara

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  40. Dear Jean - very belated condolences to your family. I'm months behind on blog reading, and have just about given it up, but thought I'd "check in" today to see what fabulous/huge project you might be working on. So I'm catching up now, and of course see this post. My mother, aunt and uncle all died in the last two years, and yes, they were "old" and all of that, but the finality of it all is still heart wrenching to me. So I can slightly imagine your husband's mindset ... just no fun. And while no one wishes the ill to suffer, the end is still ... just sad.
    But I'm thrilled to see that you are still here, blogging about your family, garden, books and BIG projects. Onward! Maryjo

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