Thursday, November 26, 2015

Alas, no London.

When I told my husband that I was going up to buy the ticket, he was so enraged that I didn't dare. There was the danger, to begin with, that he would be bad-tempered (that's putting it mildly) with the carer, who unfortunately was someone we didn't know at all. And there was the much graver danger, near-certainty indeed, that I would come back to find him in a state of great and persistent anger.

I had the knitting all laid out, too. The recent excavations in the stash cupboard have revealed many a forgotten treasure but had also temporarily obscured the hiding place of the rest of the Dunfallandy yarn – there's quite a bit, because there's all that border to knit. But eventually I found it.

So now I've got to re-incorporate the Dunfallandy blankie in the day-to-day knitting schedule. I think I'll finish the current repeat on the front of the Sous Sous (third of five) and then do a triangle or two. Meanwhile finishing the hat and trying to schedule another session at Kathy's Knits to start the Awesome.

The plan on respite is to try to talk to my husband about the importance of, involving the GP who is coming to see us next week. It may be easier for him to assimilate the idea if its execution isn't immanent.

And then wait until Greek Helen's next appearance, at the end of January. I will go to London while she's here (Goya will probably be off by then) and a live-in carer will be booked for a couple of days after she leaves, to extend my stay. They'll have to overlap for a night because Helen leaves for the airport at 4:30 am. It should work.

Interesting question, about that galloping horse. I've no idea where I picked it up, except that I'm pretty sure I heard it on the internet somewhere. My whole knitting life changed when the internet put me in touch with you people, sometime around the mid-90's and the dear old KnitList.


And speaking of sources, I have a few words to say about good old Kitchener stitch once I pull myself together. I've now got the Knitting Traditions magazine with the article on the subject.

23 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about the rage and the changed plans. x

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  2. Have you always lived with this rage of your husbands or has it come about in his later years?

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  3. Your husband's rage is all the more reason that you need some respite . How about a nursing home for a week where he will have the attention he craves.
    It's good to go through stash and find things long forgotten. Just keeping squishing the yarn. That always makes me happy at times of stress.

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  4. Oh dear, sorry to hear about the change of plan. An alternative to a care home would be a retirement village where respite care is offered in a beautiful setting as a little holiday for your husband? He perhaps needs a little more time to get used to his new regime at home which could then be more easily overlaid with an overnight carer. But it is essential for you to have something on the horizon to look forward to.

    I allowed you to lead me astray again yesterday Jean. While out enjoying my own little bit of respite in York I visited the Whisky Shop and treated myself to a Loch Fyne Lliquer. I don't usually go in for liquers but the taster on offer was gorgeous, chocolate orange flavours no less. I knew that Loch Fyne was famous for its oysters but had not heard of a Loch Fyne whisky before.

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  5. Anonymous11:55 AM

    I am deeply sorry. I think the Goya exhibit ends on January 10. Perhaps arrangements can be made for you to squeeze it in after New Year's? If not at least Helen's arrival will give you something to look forward to. You really need that.

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  6. Anonymous12:13 PM

    That was me, Chloe who just wrote about the Goya date. Sorry I forgot to add my name. Chloe.

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  7. Oh dear! I guess some of his rage must stem from his own powerlessness, which has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with age and infirmity. After all, at one time he too would have enjoyed the Goya Exhibition
    However, he does seem to want you to be at his beck and call, which is plain unreasonable. Be sure to go out while other carers are present, so that you create those spaces for yourself.

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  8. Oh, Jean, I am so sorry. I do hope the GP provides back-up and (apparently needed) authority on the issue of a respite for you. I suspect many of your readers would echo my wishes that we all lived closer and could contrive to whisk you away and/or show up with casseroles and the like. As it is, please remember that we cherish you and wishing you the best from afar.

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    1. Well said, Kristen. And yes, I would if I lived nearby.

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  9. Rage and fear are so interwined so often. I am sorry you have to live with it. I hope your plans for when Helen comes are rock solid. My Irish grandmother used the "dark night on a galloping horse, you'll never see it" so I expect it was a commonly used phrase a century ago.

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  10. I am so sorry, Jean. I'm glad that you can look forward to the January trip, though. Respite is essential. I have been so grateful that my beloved stepfather, who has been ill and in and out of the hospital for a year now, completely supports my mother getting some rest and enjoyment. It is essential and I'm sure that your children understand the same necessity. I wish I could offer more than encouragement from across the Atlantic. Do take very good care of yourself until a break can be arranged!

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  11. I think the suggestion of sending your husband soeplace so you can go away is a bad idea. He has recently arrived home after a long stay away and is still adjusting to his routine with 'strangers' helping out. I wish you would let the GP know about his rage. He had it before he went to hospital. There are medications he could have added to his routine and maybe he would be calmed a bit. I have zero expertise on these matters so take this with a grain of salt, as they say.
    There will be other exhibits to see. Try to stay mellow.

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    1. Easier said than done when you're living with the problem on a day-to-day basis.

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  12. So sorry to hear about the reason for not going to London - it is very probably driven by fear. My father could be viciously unreasonable when feeling threatened by a change that he hadn't suggested. It might be best to give him a little more time to settle in the new regime with carers and to get over the scare of being in hospital before an overnight absence. Do make the most of the respite time each day, and do plan a trip in January. My thoughts are with you.

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  13. I think your idea of talking to the GP is excellent. Respite care or carers wont be willing to take on a very angry person to care for. I hope a solution can be found. Has he always been angry? If this is recent, the GP needs to know that too.

    Best wishes to you both.

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  14. Well, plans can and do change. You'll get to London another time. Forgive me for stepping beyond my bounds, but he loves you. You are lovable and needed. I bet he feels bad for being so grumpy, even if he won't admit it. I wish I could pop by and give both of you a slice of my apple pie. Hooray for pastry that actually worked well this year!
    I hope you have a quiet moment to click, click, click your heart to peacefulness. Knitting is so good to us.

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  15. Feeling your disappointment. Hope things settle down soon.

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  16. So sorry Jean, but it sounds like you have a well-thought-out plan for another time. I do hope you get to see the Goya. Thanks goodness for knitting!

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  17. adding my sympathy at the disappointment of your trip cancellation. also about telling your GP about his emotions.

    and adding my thoughts and hope from across the pond that you get to London soon!

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  18. Anonymous10:24 PM

    So sorry to hear about the anger and the change to your plan that this necessitates, Concur, do try to involve your GP. And do carry on with a January plan for yourself.
    - Beth in Ontario

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  19. We all share your disappointment, and look forward for another chance for you to have some time off, in London or wherever, soon. Praise be for knitting to keep you going.

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  20. Oh, Jean. I'm sorry you can't go now. I do hope Goya is still on in January.
    Knit on.

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  21. Oh, my heart sank, I just read this post. January is close and a good plan seems in place. If one's life was perceived power, position and profile, that would be hard to relinquish. Senior-specialists have see the rage/anger quite a bit and undoubtedly can help with a solution that would enable some peace and acceptance. I hope the LYS visits can continue and please take care of yourself.

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