You are quite right, Anonymous – there is a difference
between the words I used, “regulated” and “ordered”, for my New Life. I’m
aiming for “ordered”, and falling short, I feel.
A doctor came to see us while I was visiting my husband
yesterday, and went through the same program the physiotherapist had told us
the day before: practice transfers until they are smooth, never mind walking
about. This conversation left my poor husband with the impression that he might
be home this weekend.
It remains to be seen how difficult it will be to
re-establish our “care package”. Will we be at the head of the queue because
disaster – the fall in which my husband broke his hip – happened on their
watch? (He was proceeding from bed to bathroom; I was at the other end of the house, in the kitchen.) My husband thinks we could manage without care: I could manage, he thinks. I tried
to tell him, no, I couldn’t.
Meanwhile – a definite step towards the Ordered Life – I resumed
the Uncia yesterday. Here we are, 70-odd rows in. I think you can see the
wonderful ribs radiating outwards, and also the curiously long rat-tail shape.
The second Vampire sock is still some rounds short of its
heel.
Non-knit
I am reading hungrily. There is no time for literature when
my husband is at home. When we were in Strathardle a fortnight ago, our niece
introduced me to Maggie O’Farrell whom I have been devouring perhaps too
hungrily since.
She’s very good, but I have several times felt the need of
an editor’s blue pencil, at least to put a “?” in the margin.
This morning, reading “The Hand That First Held Mine” over
breakfast, I learned that a prominent character had been conscripted into the
RAF during WWII. I doubted it, and since I was reading on my iPad, I looked.
I was wrong: there was conscription into the RAF. But I was
right: not for aircrew. When losses became too terrible, they were made up by
the Canadian, Australian, New Zealand, and South African air forces. One’s
whole mental history of the war would have to be re-written if those brave
young men were other than volunteers.
But Maggie O’Farrell and
her editor are both awfully young, compared to me.
I've just finished This Must Be The Place by Maggie O'Farrell and enjoyed it very much. My mother at 99 is in a similar condition to your husband and I cannot manage her alone so please do not try to manage yourself. It needs help and professional care to move someone with limited mobility and assist them in the best way. Judith in The UK
ReplyDeleteJudith is right-you can't manage alone. Don't be bullied, guilted or cajoled into any such plan.
ReplyDeleteThe Uncas is looking good. It is Too. Hot. To knit here, even with AC. September, please come soon.
Beverly in NJ.
I wish I knew how to convince these elderly husbands (and they are many) that a wife who is nearly as old as they are is not superhuman and can in no way accomplish what it takes two trained carers to manage. Stand your ground - I'm sure the medical people will realise that he is being unrealistic.
ReplyDeleteFor health and safety reasons they will not let your husband home without a full care package in place. There are strict guidelines that are there to protect the carers. Uncia is looking very interesting.
ReplyDeleteIts good to hear you are reading and knitting. And standing your ground about the care. It takes two people to effect a safe transfer. Two strong people.
ReplyDeleteBe strong Jean! You cannot do it yourself. As the previous commenter said, do not be bullied into it. I was much younger and fitter than my husband, but once he started falling there was no hope of me managing him on my own: once he was down, there was no chance of me getting him back up.
ReplyDeleteI recently finished Instructions for a Heat Wave, I plan to move on to the others at some point. I agree with the others - if you hurt yourself helping him, he'll be back where he started and worse off. Which you know, of course, even if he can't see it. Happy you are able to spend some time reading and knitting again.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what every other commenter has said. He simply can't come home without a care package. And I suspect it will now involve more people than it did before. I feel quite concerned for you already. You have very little time and energy left to take care of yourself as it is. It made me sad to read that you don't have time to enjoy literature when your husband is at home. Somehow that seems wrong to me. If the care package is adequate you should not be having to take on so much yourself. Perhaps when the new care package is set up you could bring this up with them and see how they could remove some of the burden from you. I worry about you, Jean.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was working the check out desk at our library a woman came up with a pile of hardback books. I commented something friendly about the optimism of her large stack of books and her reply was "My husband died last night and now I can read." I didn't really understand her comment until now. That was at least 8 years ago and I can't forget that comment.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself. It's your life too. Selfish has its time and place and now may be the time. Carve out some non-negotiable time and do things that make you happy and rejuvenate your soul.
My 90 lb. 90 year old mother was convinced I could care for her. It wound up that a team of five was needed. Not only were they younger and stronger, but they had the training I didn't have. I join with the others in saying, please stand your ground. Your life is precious too.
ReplyDeleteCarol in Long Islandu
Do take care of yourself first. Then there is energy to help another.
ReplyDeleteDo take care of yourself first. Then there is energy to help another.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't 20 years ago that my English grandmother broke her hip. My mother called me and sad she would be dead in three days and she was. No treatment and no prospect for carers. You must carry on at your ability with help. Statistically, carers are at greater risk than the ill loved one. Take care and knit on.
ReplyDeleteThis summer was a difficult one for me and my family. The only thing seemed to go smoothly was knitting Uncia. It required my attention and was a very good distraction from a myriad of worries. I hope you find it as pleasurable to knit as I did.
ReplyDelete